When you are into healing (whether the planet, people, yourself or other sentient beings), there comes a time in your life when the concept of having a great time out with friends bears not much of a sense to you anymore. It is not that you don’t like your friends anymore or don’t want to be with them, it is just that the concept of “hanging out” as perceived by your friends bears no kinship with the meaning of having a good time as you envision it.
This is not something that I have always been experiencing as there was a time when I would not mind “hanging out” with friends (both male and female) and being silly and having fun. I still don’t mind having fun but the awkwardness that has crept into this having fun where people find it necessary to plaster their facebook, Instagram, tiktok or other more physical walls with stills or videos of them screaming, gesticulating or performing other wild actions and voice streams just does not appeal to me anymore – if it ever had really appealed to me. I also tire of some whose narcissistic display goes beyond conveying just a photo of them feeling happy but includes several videos of face and increasingly naked body shots of themselves with different kinds of music. Result is unfollow, unfollow, unfollow…
Beyond that slight growing distaste of the splashing of these sometimes crude moments (I have seen some displaying the main character throw up repeatedly to the chorus of her friends laughing) for others to see as if they would not be satisfactory in and of themselves but would only take on meaning if others were to look at them and enjoy them, endorsing this enjoyment by a like applied to this display, I realised that I was growing tired of this whole type of exterior itself. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people sharing nice moments when they are happy or landscapes of where they have been and I too take photos that I post on Instagram or facebook but they don’t go beyond conveying this positive message. The almost fake screaming and going wild to compete with other streams where people seem wild has just become too much of drama to bear, especially when I compared it to the seemingly endless suffering of other human beings in distress whether because of war, hunger, both or other reasons.
I started slowly realising that I not only don’t enjoy these crude or sad messages anymore but I simply feel the need to withdraw from these manifestations of an overwhelming desire to appear to have fun – for the sake of the camera – and forget the fun itself. Unfollow.. unfollow… The resulting stream on facebook and Instagram is mainly of my extended family, some good friends and some meaningful videos put together by organisations that want to convey a message.
Nowadays, I mostly enjoy actual artsy moments with people singing, dancing or drawing/painting and most of all, I enjoy watching children having fun on and off camera. The view of nature (whether landscapes, birds or animals) also appeals to me far more than the forced enjoyment of human beings. I find that in my life as well, I interact more and more with children and nature and my only interactions with older human beings are for my daily work, the times when I go to the gym and of course when I walk outside or heal people.
My healing of people would have become all-encompassing if I did not have a daily job. I feel compelled to do it and am so much happier when I can dedicate my time to healing others, myself and Mother Earth. It is sometimes so strong that when I merely think of healing somebody else and have not yet started the healing, that person would send me a message saying they feel so much better. I wonder whether it is the placebo effect or the fact that with the strong intention being outside of time, the effect was already manifesting itself before I had begun (a quantum level of healing).
Plunging into this healing world and my inner thoughts, meditation and awareness has made me distance myself more and more from the outer world. It is as if that world were disappearing into a great void, a black hole yet at the same time it burns as bright as an enormous flame. I sometimes wonder whether I would open my eyes and see that there was nothing around anymore, just emptiness and a new world rebuilding, much better than it was. Then I open my eyes and see more killing, more pain, more fear and again gear myself towards healing, inward, outward, all-encompassing. I heal and I keep my faith in human beings because before some wound or a cumulative array of wounds forced them into a warped sense of adulthood that lost the inner child, they were children too.
The Frost Chronicles 5: The secret world of the Marid part 3
22 March 2020
Courtesy games workshop on Pinterest
With the second Marid now disappeared she had sat to think about potential new items that she could trade in this world for some money. The first item that crossed her mind was a device which, when secured at the bottom of where the pineal gland would fall upon at the base of the skull – if it had been able to fall, would cause the person to experience lucid dreaming or attain a high depending upon what their mindset was at the time of wearing it. She realized that this device would probably be too difficult to create on her own as it would have neuropulsers which was something that had not been discovered yet and that transmitted pulses into the brain from outside the skull. It would be developed in the future to activate and/or stabilize zones of the mind that were either not working or working erratically but as with all things scientific, a second usage would be attempted to escape reality.
She then thought that she should probably move to something which was not scientific but rather cultural or fashion based. She could see in her mind’s eye women wearing clothes made of plastic which had been conditioned so that it was almost as soft as silk on the skin. Again, however, she could not see what material had been used to condition the plastic for it to turn into a silk-like material so she realized that this too would be something she would have to forego. She then thought to herself that surely if she was able to see the end result, she should be able to see the transformation. She focused on the process of transforming plastic into a silk-like material and realized that this involved using amongst other items large amounts of balsamic vinegar and some hydrochloric acid. She thought that this was indeed a funny process and delved within her mind to discover the other items required.
After she had made a list of the items, she realized that it would be so much easier for her to ask for the exact processes from the Marid. She realized that the second Marid, her would-be father, was probably the best to ask about these matters. She had not, however, invoked him so she did not know his special name to call upon him unlike the first Marid. She knew, however, that she should be able to visit the world of the Marid as she was half Marid herself. She went within into the silent consciousness mode and thought of the Marid world as he had mentioned it to her and she could instantly feel herself splitting into it. It was as if she was disappearing into the ground while at the same time flying away in the skies. Present, past and future were but just one space that she was floating in. She could see from the skies only one woman and one man. It was as if all the male components on Earth had summed up to just one man and all the female components into one woman.
The part of her that sunk into the ground could see a gathering of Marids. They were just like a haze of clouds trapped under the Earth. It was very warm down in the Earth and not cold as she had expected given the cold air above the Earth. The Marid seemed to be having a reunion of some sort and were gathered in a half circle. At the top of the semi-circular pattern, a bit separated from the rest of the haze around her, her would-be half father was seated holding a golden scepter…
Gurdjieff – Oriental Suite – [N4,N5 Metropole Orchestra]
I was reading today a 2017 article about Quantum theory and the “observer effect”. I have always been convinced since early adulthood that we not only react to our surroundings but can interact with our surroundings in a deeper way than by just the physical touch. This conviction was held earlier in the form of a guesstimate that there was something out there reflecting what was inside and I used to be a very dreamy child convinced that I was not from “down here”. Thankfully my parents were not the type who were intent on making their child prosaic and aware of their circumstances so I was left to myself to think whatever I wanted.
I remember once when I was little my elder sister hanging from the iron bars outside the window, covered in insects and telling me she was going to die and I had a feeling this meant she was going to fly away to the stars like the butterfly my father had shown us once transforming from a caterpillar. I was so convinced that I was not from here that I kept to myself most of the time and had very little friends. It was as if I was waiting to leave at any moment in time and would therefore prefer not to be burdened by separations. The stories our father told us or that my elder sisters read out or gave me to read increased this level of dreaminess and expectations of great miracles of the mind on matter.
Starting from the year 2010, I became increasingly convinced that there was an intimate interaction between our hearts, our minds and not only Earth but the whole Universe out there. I started writing from that feeling and a lot of my poetry became infused with that thought or conviction. From that time onwards, I carried out a series of experiments on myself and my surroundings to see whether my moods, my beliefs and thoughts could indeed change my surroundings and the events in my life. It is difficult to say whether this happened or not as this could only be measured by experiencing the same life without this experimentation which is, today at least, virtually impossible. In 2016, however, I realized that the fact of wanting to carry out this experimentation had given rise within me of a sort of entity which remained aloof from everything felt or carried out and which I termed “inner observer” to which I dedicated the poem “Finding inner observer” which I am giving the link for here (https://geethabalvannanathan.com/2016/03/16/finding-inner-observer/).
I continue to carry out experimentation on myself using my feelings and thoughts to observe what is the outcome of those feelings and thoughts on my life and although I wish I were able in parallel to carry out a human experiment with different feelings and thoughts and have someone else observe the effects, I find it interesting to note that positive feelings and thoughts do indeed make my situation better while negative feelings and thoughts make my life spiral downwards. What was more interesting to note was that negative feelings and thoughts spiraled downwards much quicker and created life surroundings and circumstances which were much worse than on the positive scale upwards.
If any of you have carried out such human experiments, I would be glad to hear from you in the comments section. Meanwhile, please find below the link to the BBC article which while a bit old is quite interesting and I leave you with those thoughts and as usual with a link to a video on youtube I hope you will enjoy listening to while reading this or going on with your daily activities.
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