When you are into healing (whether the planet, people, yourself or other sentient beings), there comes a time in your life when the concept of having a great time out with friends bears not much of a sense to you anymore. It is not that you don’t like your friends anymore or don’t want to be with them, it is just that the concept of “hanging out” as perceived by your friends bears no kinship with the meaning of having a good time as you envision it.
This is not something that I have always been experiencing as there was a time when I would not mind “hanging out” with friends (both male and female) and being silly and having fun. I still don’t mind having fun but the awkwardness that has crept into this having fun where people find it necessary to plaster their facebook, Instagram, tiktok or other more physical walls with stills or videos of them screaming, gesticulating or performing other wild actions and voice streams just does not appeal to me anymore – if it ever had really appealed to me. I also tire of some whose narcissistic display goes beyond conveying just a photo of them feeling happy but includes several videos of face and increasingly naked body shots of themselves with different kinds of music. Result is unfollow, unfollow, unfollow…
Beyond that slight growing distaste of the splashing of these sometimes crude moments (I have seen some displaying the main character throw up repeatedly to the chorus of her friends laughing) for others to see as if they would not be satisfactory in and of themselves but would only take on meaning if others were to look at them and enjoy them, endorsing this enjoyment by a like applied to this display, I realised that I was growing tired of this whole type of exterior itself. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people sharing nice moments when they are happy or landscapes of where they have been and I too take photos that I post on Instagram or facebook but they don’t go beyond conveying this positive message. The almost fake screaming and going wild to compete with other streams where people seem wild has just become too much of drama to bear, especially when I compared it to the seemingly endless suffering of other human beings in distress whether because of war, hunger, both or other reasons.
I started slowly realising that I not only don’t enjoy these crude or sad messages anymore but I simply feel the need to withdraw from these manifestations of an overwhelming desire to appear to have fun – for the sake of the camera – and forget the fun itself. Unfollow.. unfollow… The resulting stream on facebook and Instagram is mainly of my extended family, some good friends and some meaningful videos put together by organisations that want to convey a message.
Nowadays, I mostly enjoy actual artsy moments with people singing, dancing or drawing/painting and most of all, I enjoy watching children having fun on and off camera. The view of nature (whether landscapes, birds or animals) also appeals to me far more than the forced enjoyment of human beings. I find that in my life as well, I interact more and more with children and nature and my only interactions with older human beings are for my daily work, the times when I go to the gym and of course when I walk outside or heal people.
My healing of people would have become all-encompassing if I did not have a daily job. I feel compelled to do it and am so much happier when I can dedicate my time to healing others, myself and Mother Earth. It is sometimes so strong that when I merely think of healing somebody else and have not yet started the healing, that person would send me a message saying they feel so much better. I wonder whether it is the placebo effect or the fact that with the strong intention being outside of time, the effect was already manifesting itself before I had begun (a quantum level of healing).
Plunging into this healing world and my inner thoughts, meditation and awareness has made me distance myself more and more from the outer world. It is as if that world were disappearing into a great void, a black hole yet at the same time it burns as bright as an enormous flame. I sometimes wonder whether I would open my eyes and see that there was nothing around anymore, just emptiness and a new world rebuilding, much better than it was. Then I open my eyes and see more killing, more pain, more fear and again gear myself towards healing, inward, outward, all-encompassing. I heal and I keep my faith in human beings because before some wound or a cumulative array of wounds forced them into a warped sense of adulthood that lost the inner child, they were children too.
Moving has been such a difficult but enlightening experience. You discover that you have many, many things that you do not need at all and some things that you need a bit of but have too much of. I gave away almost the same amount of clothes I kept and I still feel I have too many.
Having single handedly packed away all my household items over the course of several weeks, I realised how important decluttering is and how we can find within ourselves so much energy to handle what we need to do. I barely slept, ate irregularly and counted 117 boxes and large bags made for carrying textiles all meticulously numbered and matched to an excel sheet that described in over 117 lines, the content of each box.
One of the movers did not find a number on one of the boxes and when I turned it around showing him the number, he laughed and said "why did I even think that you did not put a number on it" to which we all had a laugh despite being exhausted as the movers were helping me after their daily job was over. We then decided to add the numbers to all the other surfaces as well, where we could get through to them as the boxes were piled up.
When I thought back to how many times I have moved and sometimes lost or had to give away what I had, it seemed incredible:
1st move at the age of 6 months from Algeria to India
Within India, moved around four times during childhood until the age of 7
Move at the age of 7 from Chennai, India to Tunis, Tunisia
Within Tunisia moved around 8 times
Move to Geneva, Switzerland at the age of 21
Within Geneva moved around 7 times
Move to Dubai in 2007 with my children
Within Dubai moved around 7 times before the last of my kids moved near Geneva, Switzerland
Moved from Dubai to India in 2018 for just 4-5 months
Moved to London, UK in December 2018
Within London moved twice
and now moving again away from London to an undisclosed location..
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