Within I am Home

3 February 2016

I killed it

The doubt that ate me

Swallowed hard

In pain’s pangs

I breathed out pieces

Of what we had been

Summer’s taunt

A blue lake’s sadness

Flight no more

An option

We cast memories like faint rocks

They sink into Time

You spoke not

Our mouths were sewn tight

With regret

In corners

Where dark spent itself ageless

When the years forged light

Forgery

Copy of feeling

The kneeling

Unheard knight

Communication’s lost road

Works to his delight

Lost glory

Unspoken wisdom

It sings harsh

Like a clang

When pianos once smooth then rang

Strident melodies

Forgotten

Your traits wrinkled cringe

Like corpses

Found bloated

In waters that have lost strength

Of their deep sources

I squared roots

Hit on triangles

They chimed shrill

Like pain’s wave

I found my death in a cave

Where hunters wrote life

He points shoots

The gun in my hand

Mere witness

Blue porter

I usher the tools of death

Slayer’s assistant

Mouth flippant

Heart in between lips

I spit out

The venom

Deep it runs so low it hums

Slight it overtakes

I am gone

There is a place lost

In my mind

Where I roam

Alone and blissful at peace

Within I am Home

Reading of my poem: 

This poem was inspired by a small exchange about abuse and how difficult it was to understand the victim’s stance. I therefore thought I should shed some light albeit in a poetic way from my own experience of how it happens and why one accepts it for so long. I guess it is simply the safe havens that we create which allow the experience to last, some sort of dissociation from what is happening in reality. I was not sure I should add this comment but I realised that the perspective of the subject of abuse seems really hard to grasp and readers don’t seem to have understood what this poem was about mainly. Perhaps my writing is too cryptic sometimes.

Just to reassure you, I am no longer in that kind of situation anymore and usually now smell abusers from a distance. In the self-preservation mode now, I have also severed relationships which might have been good but my principle has always been if he cannot control anger, bitterness or cannot handle stress, that is -even though slight and even though it may absolutely not be directed towards me – an indication that he has the potential of an abuser and I shy away even from that potential these days. Peace, kindness, compassion, humour and love are the only baggage I am willing to accept in any relationship and those who have not worked on themselves enough to have developed these traits are a total no-go for me, except in the cases of a friend in need of course.

Midge Ure – Fragile

Breathe me – Sia

Midge Ure – Breathe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USFr5VeLQ2o