For the longest time ever, I have felt I have no kinship with Earth and it felt like a foreign land. Even in my childhood, I would look up at the stars and know in my heart that my true home was out there and I was the proverbial “million miles from home”. As a young child I did not have many friends and tended to always sit on my own when there were breaks at the school I was going to. It was called the Good Shepherd Convent and was, as you could guess, a school for female students only. My parents were of opposing religions and from countries that did not see eye to eye with each other. He was a Tamilian black Indian Hindu and she was a white Tunisian Muslim. They couldn’t have been further apart and their life together was a story in itself but I might talk about that later.
As a teenager, I still had that yearning feeling to go back home but I was able to mask it better and was sociable enough to make friends although I could count them on one hand. The friends I made, I was very loyal to and shared a deep connection with. Later on, as a young woman in a University in Nabeul this was still the case. At University, I tended to embrace what others called lost causes and one of them consisted of a direct clash with a special group of Muslim brotherhood called “Ekhwan Al Jihad” or the brothers of the Jihad (holy war). These people, whose shortened name was “Khwanjia” for all of us Tunisians resisting their backward rules and oppression, had gained a disproportionate level of power and Bourguiba, the President at that time, did not seem able to easily get rid of the hold they had – something that Ben Ali had been able to do after he orchestrated a coup against Bourguiba several years later.
Meanwhile, one of the higher level recruits of this brotherhood who lived on the same campus, had gotten besotted with me and decided I was to become his wife. He was very surprised at my resistance and later on, he joined those who would stop us from going to the University in our western attire and threw the large and heavy lid of a dustbin at me in one of his hate-fuelled acts against me. We were all wearing just jeans and normal sweatshirts or shirts that were buttoned to the top but they could not bear the sight of us, refusing to cover our heads and wear long dresses or skirts instead of what they perceived as “figure-hugging, male-enticing jeans from hell”.
There were other happenings where this madman tried to hurt me but I evaded most of the time his hateful attacks. I then changed University to go to ENSI in Tunis, a University for IT engineers but decided to leave after two years because the level of power and hate-fuelled acts of the Khwanjia had gotten too much to bear. With my very Hindu name of Geetha which related to the Bhagavat Gita, one of the holiest books in Hinduism, I stood a lot to lose if the Khwanjia were to seek me out and do God knows what to me. My path had always been one of peaceful resistance but that did not stop them from beating us, attempting to tear our hair out of our heads or throwing stones and other large objects at us.
I finally left for Geneva rather than Paris because I felt I could not handle Paris after being in such a small place as Tunis. Geneva was a lovely quiet town which I enjoyed living in a lot even though the immigration rules were quite tough in order to get there. Throughout the time in Tunis as a young woman, it had always been about resistance and avoiding getting into trouble with the Khwanjia so I had not thought much about my ultimate goals but as the quiet of Geneva seeped into me, my previous levels of extraneity took over and I started to feel homesick again, wanting to be out there in the stars.
Life took over while I still stayed firmly entrenched in my dreams of going to sleep and waking up in a planet I could call home again. I went through two marriages and had children from my second marriage whom I loved more than myself to the point of concentrating all my energy on them and almost feeling at home on Earth. Things had gone awry with my first husband because the values we lived by were at odds and he had issues he had never disclosed to me before our marriage. Things went awry with my second marriage as well leaving me in a situation where I was taking care of my children almost single-handedly and our expenses as well as the tax situation were making our financial situation stretched and our relationship as tense as it could ever be.
A break came in the form of a posting I was given in Dubai in 2007, where I was told there were no taxes on income and it seemed like a good idea to go there and at least ease the financial burden on us. Initially, my ex-husband was supposed to come and see if this could change things and he did come to visit in September 2007 but he did not want to lose his position as a Partner in the law firm he was working at so he decided not to join us, after which I decided to file for divorce in the fall of 2008.
In Dubai, I gained more financial freedom initially and was able to start reading again, not having to clean up everything and have to always cook like I was doing during my time with my second husband. I had a cook and a maid taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of. It was lovely to be able to keep my mind occupied with more than just my work and the children’s needs and I started even envisaging to write again. Suddenly things got out of hand in 2010 and I then created a blog to report most of what was happening, share literary produce such as poems and short stories I wrote or share my artwork. What happened from that fated date of August 12, 2010 (note that my birthday is August 12) is mostly laid out in my blog so I will not reiterate what I already wrote. This break in my life, though deeply disturbing and painful, brought out the spiritual side of me again and all that I had been thinking about during my teenage years and as a young woman began to take shape again.
After 2010 I became involved in several charitable endeavours and worked towards trying to make the Earth a better place, one person at a time, changing the sides of myself I felt did not sit well with the person I wanted to be. So many things happened, the culmination of which pushed me to the path of healing which I embraced wholeheartedly starting first with the study of Pranic healing after having experienced healing people with just the healing touch – later on, I became a Reiki Master and worked with Bach flowers remedies. The more I healed people, the more I felt myself being drawn into what I perceived as myself roaming the Earth in sleep, healing others in my dreams. At one point in Dubai, while I was doing a distance healing I felt inclined to create an energy pattern that was all around me. This became a daily work and I was given to know that I was building a Merkabah using Indian mudras.
Several months later, the Merkabah was apparently ready and I experienced in my dreams what I later understood were astral travels. I did not remember much of those travels which I relegated to the dream world so as to keep my drive to work and take care of my children during the daytime. As the years passed by, I started having the conviction that I had to build more points of energy in the Merkabah so that it could work for much longer distances. This was achieved in January 2017 and I experienced a great deal of light entering my body after which my astral travels became clearer. After a few days, around end January, however, I realised that the Merkabah had been ruined and I could not get back to weaving it.
The points of energetic alignment using mudras were no longer leading anywhere as if my mind could not make them properly anymore. My Merkabah had truly been broken beyond repair and I could do nothing about it as my correct weaving of mudras had been damaged. The years 2017 to 2019 dragged on until the passing of my mother in summer of 2019. Somehow, her demise triggered something that made my pattern of mudras able to align correctly to create the Merkabah again. I am still weaving slowly but surely and I know the Merkabah should be fully ready at least by 2026, perhaps for my birthday in that year to be a day of fulfilled hope again. I had fallen but I may just be able to go home and bask in blue again.
Phoenix Flying 17 : Soaring towards Luna and energy balls
18 August 2017
Courtesy Christian Schloe
Almost a fortnight had passed since Mama Jain had undertaken anything serious with Gaia as she had limited her efforts to receiving light and energy from the photosynthesis of the trees for the Regeneris program. Bluebird was also quite silent and though Mama Jain could feel she that she really wanted to get some things done with her, Bluebird remained silent and respected Mama Jain’s desire to carry on with her own plans.
Mama Jain had been feeling a bit frustrated as she had had a major setback triggered by the chip and she was feeling very misaligned and incapable of performing the kundalini meditation that allowed for Samadhi and the connection to the Everything. Every time she started performing the shamanic dances and the related mudras, she felt that her head was twisting in the opposite direction compared to where she would have had to have it going (and where it used to go previously) and therefore the connection to the Everything kept failing.
Mother appeared just as Mama Jain was about to burst into tears at this waste of all her efforts during the months from December to June. While Mama Jain wiped off her tears, happy that Mother was here to talk to her, Mother shed her warmth on Mama Jain and explained to her that, foregoing what was the general principle of non intervention, she would now bestow upon her the capacity of synchronisation that had been stolen from her through brainwashing so that she could attain the level she had been at before the incidents occurred.
Mother explained to her that after the chip had caused Mama Jain to stumble leading to a loss of consciousness with an injury to the brain and during the time Mama Jain was in the intensive care unit, the sabotage team had brainwashed her so as to remove any possibility of her performing the kundalini meditation in the right way. In fact, they had gone even further and used a trauma based technique to make her allergic to even the idea of kundalini meditation and Mother’s presence. What they had not counted on was Mama Jain’s deep love for Mother and her strong bond to the Everything that would not fully give in to the brainwashing techniques.
When Mama Jain attempted again the song that led to Samadhi, she found herself in a more exhilarated state then before and Mother explained to her that she had actually restored her and added some progress so that her total progress in the connection would be similar to what it would have been had there not been an intervention in the process by the sabotage team. Mama Jain was so happy she felt like hugging Mother but her deep respect and her uncertainty on whether Mother would like such a thing kept her from doing so. Mother read her mind, smiled mildly and informed Mama Jain that she would not mind at all and actually to the contrary would love to have a hug from her daughter. Mama Jain was beside herself with happiness that Mother called her daughter and went to hug her feeling immediately full of peace, love and happiness.
Now that Mama Jain had made more progress, Mother told her she could visit Luna (the name Mother gave to the moon) whenever she wanted now with much more ease. She also informed Mama Jain that she would now be able to fully produce energy balls using the three rotational motor system that was part of the heritage of the tribe that she belonged to. Mother told her to be careful though because the small energy balls made by rotating the two hands with the trinity-based system could become dangerous. Mama Jain had just learnt from Mother this technique and was eager to use it as she found it simple yet potent. It simply consisted of pointing the thumb, the index and the middle finger of each hand towards the other hand in the similar position and rotating the two hands anti-clockwise with only a 180 twirl each time. Mama Jain kept performing the twirls and then absorbing the energy with her body. She could feel her inner organs swell with the well-being made by the energy balls and sighed as Mother drifted slowly away, waving at her as she left.
After Mother left, Mama Jain sat in the meditative posture, put on the Samadhi music and swayed, eyes closed and muttering Luna, finding herself instantly on the crater-filled Moon, while her self that had remained below swayed to the glorious views unfolding in front of her etheric self. Strangely enough, since Mother had restored her kinetic and etheric energy levels, her etheric self could actually feel, see and touch on Luna and did not require Mama Jain’s physical presence to do so. Mama Jain was so pleased with these new findings but sad that she could not share them with anyone and that all of this could not be of help to mankind because of the divisive stance of all the nations who each wanted only their nation to be the one with the most advanced technology. Mama Jain then put on the music for experiencing transcendence and solace on Earth and felt the glow within her slowly grow. For the second time since Mother departed, Mama Jain sighed and put on her glasses so that she could type about the experiences she had just made.
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