For the longest time ever, I have felt I have no kinship with Earth and it felt like a foreign land. Even in my childhood, I would look up at the stars and know in my heart that my true home was out there and I was the proverbial “million miles from home”. As a young child I did not have many friends and tended to always sit on my own when there were breaks at the school I was going to. It was called the Good Shepherd Convent and was, as you could guess, a school for female students only. My parents were of opposing religions and from countries that did not see eye to eye with each other. He was a Tamilian black Indian Hindu and she was a white Tunisian Muslim. They couldn’t have been further apart and their life together was a story in itself but I might talk about that later.
As a teenager, I still had that yearning feeling to go back home but I was able to mask it better and was sociable enough to make friends although I could count them on one hand. The friends I made, I was very loyal to and shared a deep connection with. Later on, as a young woman in a University in Nabeul this was still the case. At University, I tended to embrace what others called lost causes and one of them consisted of a direct clash with a special group of Muslim brotherhood called “Ekhwan Al Jihad” or the brothers of the Jihad (holy war). These people, whose shortened name was “Khwanjia” for all of us Tunisians resisting their backward rules and oppression, had gained a disproportionate level of power and Bourguiba, the President at that time, did not seem able to easily get rid of the hold they had – something that Ben Ali had been able to do after he orchestrated a coup against Bourguiba several years later.
Meanwhile, one of the higher level recruits of this brotherhood who lived on the same campus, had gotten besotted with me and decided I was to become his wife. He was very surprised at my resistance and later on, he joined those who would stop us from going to the University in our western attire and threw the large and heavy lid of a dustbin at me in one of his hate-fuelled acts against me. We were all wearing just jeans and normal sweatshirts or shirts that were buttoned to the top but they could not bear the sight of us, refusing to cover our heads and wear long dresses or skirts instead of what they perceived as “figure-hugging, male-enticing jeans from hell”.
There were other happenings where this madman tried to hurt me but I evaded most of the time his hateful attacks. I then changed University to go to ENSI in Tunis, a University for IT engineers but decided to leave after two years because the level of power and hate-fuelled acts of the Khwanjia had gotten too much to bear. With my very Hindu name of Geetha which related to the Bhagavat Gita, one of the holiest books in Hinduism, I stood a lot to lose if the Khwanjia were to seek me out and do God knows what to me. My path had always been one of peaceful resistance but that did not stop them from beating us, attempting to tear our hair out of our heads or throwing stones and other large objects at us.
I finally left for Geneva rather than Paris because I felt I could not handle Paris after being in such a small place as Tunis. Geneva was a lovely quiet town which I enjoyed living in a lot even though the immigration rules were quite tough in order to get there. Throughout the time in Tunis as a young woman, it had always been about resistance and avoiding getting into trouble with the Khwanjia so I had not thought much about my ultimate goals but as the quiet of Geneva seeped into me, my previous levels of extraneity took over and I started to feel homesick again, wanting to be out there in the stars.
Life took over while I still stayed firmly entrenched in my dreams of going to sleep and waking up in a planet I could call home again. I went through two marriages and had children from my second marriage whom I loved more than myself to the point of concentrating all my energy on them and almost feeling at home on Earth. Things had gone awry with my first husband because the values we lived by were at odds and he had issues he had never disclosed to me before our marriage. Things went awry with my second marriage as well leaving me in a situation where I was taking care of my children almost single-handedly and our expenses as well as the tax situation were making our financial situation stretched and our relationship as tense as it could ever be.
A break came in the form of a posting I was given in Dubai in 2007, where I was told there were no taxes on income and it seemed like a good idea to go there and at least ease the financial burden on us. Initially, my ex-husband was supposed to come and see if this could change things and he did come to visit in September 2007 but he did not want to lose his position as a Partner in the law firm he was working at so he decided not to join us, after which I decided to file for divorce in the fall of 2008.
In Dubai, I gained more financial freedom initially and was able to start reading again, not having to clean up everything and have to always cook like I was doing during my time with my second husband. I had a cook and a maid taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of. It was lovely to be able to keep my mind occupied with more than just my work and the children’s needs and I started even envisaging to write again. Suddenly things got out of hand in 2010 and I then created a blog to report most of what was happening, share literary produce such as poems and short stories I wrote or share my artwork. What happened from that fated date of August 12, 2010 (note that my birthday is August 12) is mostly laid out in my blog so I will not reiterate what I already wrote. This break in my life, though deeply disturbing and painful, brought out the spiritual side of me again and all that I had been thinking about during my teenage years and as a young woman began to take shape again.
After 2010 I became involved in several charitable endeavours and worked towards trying to make the Earth a better place, one person at a time, changing the sides of myself I felt did not sit well with the person I wanted to be. So many things happened, the culmination of which pushed me to the path of healing which I embraced wholeheartedly starting first with the study of Pranic healing after having experienced healing people with just the healing touch – later on, I became a Reiki Master and worked with Bach flowers remedies. The more I healed people, the more I felt myself being drawn into what I perceived as myself roaming the Earth in sleep, healing others in my dreams. At one point in Dubai, while I was doing a distance healing I felt inclined to create an energy pattern that was all around me. This became a daily work and I was given to know that I was building a Merkabah using Indian mudras.
Several months later, the Merkabah was apparently ready and I experienced in my dreams what I later understood were astral travels. I did not remember much of those travels which I relegated to the dream world so as to keep my drive to work and take care of my children during the daytime. As the years passed by, I started having the conviction that I had to build more points of energy in the Merkabah so that it could work for much longer distances. This was achieved in January 2017 and I experienced a great deal of light entering my body after which my astral travels became clearer. After a few days, around end January, however, I realised that the Merkabah had been ruined and I could not get back to weaving it.
The points of energetic alignment using mudras were no longer leading anywhere as if my mind could not make them properly anymore. My Merkabah had truly been broken beyond repair and I could do nothing about it as my correct weaving of mudras had been damaged. The years 2017 to 2019 dragged on until the passing of my mother in summer of 2019. Somehow, her demise triggered something that made my pattern of mudras able to align correctly to create the Merkabah again. I am still weaving slowly but surely and I know the Merkabah should be fully ready at least by 2026, perhaps for my birthday in that year to be a day of fulfilled hope again. I had fallen but I may just be able to go home and bask in blue again.
It had been a while that she had started building the Merkaba. This was not an easy task as the weaving of the energies had to be done on a regular basis and based on a specific pattern. She wondered how it was that the Elders had succeeded in passing on this information to her during her sleep but every morning when she woke up she had a precise plan in her head for which points remained to be woven. On and on her nimble fingers wove into the air the patterns using the energy from the skies and from the trees outside her window.
Sometimes, it was also in the evenings that she resumed the weaving although it was best done at dawn and concluded with the rising sun. Day after day, she tirelessly wove the energies that emanated from her kinetic dance using both her hands in specific mudras as well as her intent focused on specific areas in space. The merkaba was to be a sphere-like construct that would be big enough to hold her whole body within it. It started from a point around the top of her head, near her crown chakra and expanded several metres above and away on each side of her body before finishing at her feet. Here too, the Merkaba had a distance of several metres before the small conic shape of its extremity ended with a cord-like construct within the soles of her feet.
Once the Merkaba was almost fully woven, she sealed the outer parts, leaving only a few slits in the front side to allow for entering or exiting the energetic vehicle without friction. The first time she had tried the vehicle on a test ride, it was an exhilirating experience, much akin to that of going on a roller coaster ride, except that one did it with the astral body including particles of the body and not the full body. She remembered the thrill of that joy ride for several weeks after the experience was over and for days after the ride her body had still felt out of balance as she struggled to keep her astral body in check.
A couple of days after she had finished weaving the Merkaba, her light body had been fully activated. This was achieved by input of a large part of her higher self that entered through her eyes into her body and activated the dormant genes within her to allow for release of the particles that would accompany the astral body within the Merkaba. The gene activation was necessary so as to allow for the mutation of the DNA that would allow her body to release some of her particles and then reintegrate them without destroying them later on
The Elders informed her that this process was necessary for her to be able to travel so far within the Merkaba and make it back to her body without mishaps as the particles would act as a genetic map reintegrating the shell that was destined to hold them, a process akin to genetic imprinting. They assured her that she would be safe and should be grateful for the chance bestowed upon her to accomplish this trip. She realised that it was indeed a beautiful gift from the Source to be granted the possibility of ascending while still alive.
Once the trip over, she maintained very few actual memories, however, of the Ascension trip and what she had found out behind the veil was now part of a hazy string of memories that resurfaced from time to time. She remembered the appeal of the remainder of her body when she had left it to travel within the Merkaba as it had remained on Earth scared, disoriented and incapable of taking care of itself properly. She remembered the beautiful blue beings that had surrounded her with tokens of love, compassion and empathy for humankind.
She wished she could repeat the experience again but the blueprint of the Merkaba was no longer given to her by the Ancient ones. It was as if this was a preliminary test that they had allowed and despite her various appeals to them they remained aloof and did not transfer this information to her unconscious mind anymore. She wondered whether she would have to seek the help of a hypnotist in order to retrieve the blueprint or at least some memories of that beautiful Ascension trip she had made but somehow something always stopped her from pursuing this for now.
Every full moon night, she would look up at the skies and sigh as the looming moon reminded her of what it was like to be in the skies among the planets. One day, she swore to herself, she would travel again within a new Merkaba she would build. She would perform her kinetic dances again appealing to the cosmic dancer to grant her once more the knowledge of the right steps so that she could build up the appropriate energy waves required for the weaving of the Merkaba. She knew that sometime in the near future the Elders would come back to her and reveal the pattern to her again as she had been feeling their presence of late. She smiled up at the moon that seemed to smile back at her.
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