Universe to size 24 August 2023
I hear You Your call is whispers shaking trees rustling leaves the breeze that sings in my mind Memories unwind I call You Your ears are torrents winding paths lavish baths The water falling from lids meanders and skids I see You Your face is fragments dazzling eyes mouth In skies The space in between you flies Universe to size Reading of the poem:
Satyam Shivam Sundaram
Hush hush now 1 March 2023
Hush hush now Mama will build a boat Just to keep you and me afloat And if we were to never meet a land Mama would build a castle made of sand Yesterday was full of lights in the sky From ground they reached a burning tidal high And when the flames seared higher than my cry I watched them run wilder than hopes would die Hush hush now Mama will fill your throat With cries to fly beyond the highest note The flags will rise above the waving hands The music will break through the dancing bands Tomorrow’s crops are burnt for ever more The gaping hedges drizzling in downpour And when the wheat’s prices were to soar She gave them fields of seeds that many bore Hush hush now Mama will knead the bread So gently when you’re a million dead The fallen hark for every word she said An emblem lost from mind of every head We once saw the Earth burning like a pyre From each dark cry their lips would expire And when I lay beside you on the fire We rekindled flames blazing higher and higher Reading of the poem:
Singing of the poem:
Poets of the Fall - Daze
The Cleopatra Tales 8 : Eternal life to the Beloved 18 February 2023
King of the North and South, Beloved, living forever, born of Heaven, conceived of Nut, heir of Seb, his beloved, spreadeth she thy mother Nut over thee in her name of “mystery of Heaven” she granteth that thou mayest exist as a God without thy foes, O King of the North and South, Beloved, living forever Reading of the blessing/incantation
Ancient Egypt - Secret Chamber
The Devil’s Wife 5 : The way of the Flesh
6 June 2020
Her laughter suddenly stopped as he made his way towards her. She felt a rise in the intensity of his gaze towards her. She could see his body shimmering in the sun although it was no longer visible when he was elsewhere in the room. It was a beautiful sight indeed, like a river of diamonds sparkling under the sun. He slowly picked her up from the chair where she was seated and lifted her, making his way towards the bed. She wondered what it would be like to have a physical relationship with him as until now they had only kissed.
He lay her on the bed and left her there her heart fluttering wondering where he was as he was out of the sun again and she no longer saw his shape. She felt him again as the bed was weighed down by his form as he stretched himself on it next to her. She felt him lean towards her and then felt his lips on hers as he kissed her slowly and deliberately. She was glad she was stretched on the bed as she felt herself going weak as he kissed her. He undressed her very slowly and she felt him study her body as he did so. It was as if her whole body was on flames as he kissed and touched her everywhere and as they made love she felt as if her whole being was consumed by him.
Later on as she lay beside him with her arms around him she felt that it was the happiest moment of her life with this contentment filling her up and warming her from the inside. She had never even in her wildest dreams imagined that she would be making love with an invisible being let alone the Devil himself. It was an exhilarating experience beyond her wildest dreams. She hoped that he too had experienced the same elation and she was eager to speak to him and get his impressions.
She wondered how it could possibly take place this way between them while he was not made of flesh. Yet the lovemaking was something that went beyond any pleasure she had ever had with men in a human form. He seemed to sense her mood and embraced her again making the flames soar higher within her. She thought to herself that this was not just the way of the Flesh. This was something more, the melding of two souls and two diverse forms of life. This was pure rapture.
Jesse Cook Rapture
Just to be One with you
17 March 2020
I gather two coins of us
Toss one up in the sky
A game to play with no fuss
Heads or tails, none to cry
Is this all that was to be
Pain reminder of slate
Acceptance of destiny
Other ingratiate?
In my past the cobwebs pass
Leaving path to renew
All I could ever dream was
Just to be One with you
Reading of the poem:
Beth Hart & Joe Bonamassa – I’ll Take Care Of You
Before the silken reed
13 March 2020
I looked at growing weed
Where two swans glided peacefully
Before the silken reed
They beckoned it seemed up to me
Had they heard my unspoken sighs
Thoughts of you, my solace?
Water hen flew across the skies
In criss-cross drew your face
I knelt still upon the boulder
That had the ice withstood
In love we could grow much bolder
Could we? I thought we should
Reading of the poem:
Song of Return – Saint of Sin
Love token
5 May 2019
Two to tie
Within is without
Seven flags
Fly about
Rings of fire scorch the trees
Penitent on knees
Dragon’s lair
His smell in the air
Wings that lift
Nightly drift
Black holes guide to inner stare
His world here not there
Concealed might
Whispers in the night
He gifts me
Second sight
The Northern Star guides me right
My frame in his light
Magic tricks
Bosoms split in six
Spells that fix
Feathers mix
Bring together what was torn
One eyed king is born
Awoken
I am unbroken
He grants me
Love token
Three times soft words are spoken
His heart in my care
Spring has come
Lost weight of winter
Suns rays play
With my eye
From him I will never shy
Eagle of my sky
Reading of the poem:
Mute angels – Hammock
Cold front – Hammock
One Another – Hammock
Alternate Realities – Chapter Five : The World in between
21 April 2019
Horus looked at her surprised face and asked “Did you not know I would come to guide you?”
She was a bit puzzled at all of this. What had this got to do with getting rid of her fears and moving into higher realms? If this was what the higher realms were made of then she was not sure that she wanted any of it. She had a hard time already trying to reconcile the fact that humans only thought of getting more for themselves and were ready to slaughter each other for that, if the gods too were like that, she was not sure she wanted to be involved with them at all.
She realised that what he was saying made sense. It had always seemed to her that fear had a debilitating effect on humans and she understood why he had been so insistent that she get rid of the fear before the ascension to the land of all beginnings. She had let the fear control her and her ascension had been a difficult experience. She understood now why the Mother had not been more welcoming. Burdened by fear she was more a tool of Settesh than a warrior of the light. The Mother and Toth had still weighed her deeds and given her the token so surely they thought she would still be helpful to them. She vowed to her self that she would start meditating more and concentrating on the light so that she could fill herself with it and merge with the sensation of universal love she felt when meditating.
She energised her heart and crown chakras before vibrating her heart to activate the token. The walls dilated and contracted before disappearing altogether. She felt the motion of a joyride as her consciousness slid into the other world. It was like falling endlessly through a well except that she had to steer herself to avoid being sucked into the holes on the sides which lead to nothingness. Horus on the other hand did not need to slide, he simply dematerialised and materialised from one world to another. He halted her consciousness and she slid through a small opening in the spiral. They had reached the world in between and he explained that the children were waiting for them. She steadied herself to get rid of the swaying feeling and looked around. There were at least hundred of them gathered around and slowly moving towards them. She let out a gasp of surprise. These were not any children. They were dragons!
Deliver us – Shinnobu
Like a Shadow – Shinnobu
After of my Life – Shinnobu
When I failed you
1 November 2018
My love,
It is not often that I am at a loss for words as words are usually all that I have. I realised though that the ocean between us has made it difficult to communicate so I thought I should write what I feel. Perhaps you will read this one day or perhaps you are reading it just as I post it. I am not even sure that I will post it or that there will ever be a mailman to carry such a terrible weight of unrequited love and loss. There are places no human can go, not even in the mind. There are places that are better left to the domain of the untouched. There are places where my mind hovers in between disbelief and grief.
Do you remember the beginning ? Neither of us had questioned then the essence of what we shared. The unbearable lightness of your touch that grew into a lingering and then intense shared ecstasy. When I am alone, I revel in the memory of that touch, soothing and intense all at once. When I am alone, I feel your presence again lurking in the corners of my grief-stricken mind. When I am alone, I know that you will always be there if not in body then at least in soul. I know it is only the physical form of you that I have lost but even this weighs upon my heart filling me with a yearning that cannot be placated.
I tread often the winding path of broken memories trying to retrace how we got to this point of no return. I know that you had placed so much faith in my reaching the limits of the known and pushing beyond them to open the gates to the unknown. It was not just an esoteric experience, it was a matter of testing whether we were ready or not for the next stage. I know you placed so much faith in my abilities that you had been testing. So much was in stake and yet, despite all my love for you, I failed you. I remember you telling me that when you love someone you would do anything to be with them. I did everything I possibly could but yet I failed you and you vanished from my life.
There are days when the weather is mild and a soft breeze caresses my face startling me into the thought that you might be back, that if I open my eyes you would be there smiling at me again. Then I commit the mistake of actually opening them into the void of your absence. I sigh but at the same time feel your presence in your absence. It is like your absence negates itself because of the strength of the memories you left and the lingering presence of your soul that remains imprinted upon mine. Then there are days when all I wish for is for the sun to never rise again so that I may close my eyes to never open them again on a world where I can no longer see your smile.
When I think of it, it looked like such an easy test to know oneself and to act upon that knowledge. Little did I know that our human frailty blinds us to our true selves and that even when we think we know ourselves we are never able to really act upon that knowledge to the fullest extent required if our knowledge of ourselves is even slightly incomplete. You were expecting me to spread my wings and fly but I only saw them as a paper thin parchment, a relic of a past glory that would never be resumed. I tried to fly but was weighed down by the extent of my disbelief after a brief instant of taking off. In that fleeting moment of flight, I saw what it was like to be truly free.
Al Ghazali said « Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me ». I never knew how right that quote was before my soul got entangled with yours and I was made to test the boundaries of my own limitations while my soul urged me onward, beyond the unthinkable. I never knew that the contentment I once derived from living a simple life would be erased by the smouldering memories of the time we shared together. I never knew that I would live to see a day where I would be without you in my life.
Today, I look upon those moments of our shared hope with the unflinching eye of sobriety. Yet my sobriety hurts me like that of a perpetually drunken sailor would if he were to stop drinking all at once. My withdrawal symptoms are not visible to the world, they are etched in my heart and mind where I shiver alone, shaking with the grief of your loss. I live my life in a fever-clad nightmare tossing and turning in my mind, yearning to relive that shared hope once more. I live my life in the unhappily pregnant moment of realisation that I failed you.
A million gaps compose my essence now making it impossible for me to be whole again. When you were there, you were the matter between my gaps binding me together and allowing me to move around in the world with a sense of purpose. All purpose disappeared when I failed you. I keep repeating to myself that in another life we will be together again but that litany does nothing to thwart the agony of your absence. I move from one paradoxical situation to another not sure whether I should laugh or cry or perhaps do both at once to finally relieve the perpetual tension that my heart relives.
One day, I will have grown strong enough to pass your test. I know now that there is no turning back from that test. Once started, it must be completed. I know that the day will come and even if you are no longer around to watch me do it, I will fly. I have chosen the spot and the time of the year. It will be at the peak of the Mount Kailash and just before the snow starts melting. I will gather my strength, my memories of you and of our time together and I will spread out my wings and fly. The wind will echo through my outstretched wings and the snow will carry my shadow to its destiny.
The next spring, the letter is found by her mother who cries at the thought of the agony her daughter went through without a soul knowing about it. Her daughter had never returned from her trip to the Mount Kailash. Nobody knows what happened as a body was never found. Perhaps she had finally been able to fly away to a better world in her own way. Perhaps one day her body would be found under a heap of snow. Perhaps she had decided to go on a very long trip elsewhere without telling anyone where she was going.
The mother raises the letter to her lips and closes her eyes. Behind her eyelids she can clearly see the image of her daughter flying against the backdrop of the beautiful Mount Kailash. A tear rolls from her cheek and falls on the letter causing the ink to blot. The blot looks like the peak of a snowy mountain. The mother slowly opens her eyes and seeing the blot smiles a wane smile. It is like a message from her daughter telling her that everything is alright and that she is indeed flying, high above the Mount Kailash, her faith in herself and her knowledge of herself at their peak.
O Fly On – Coldplay
Time and Time again
8 April 2018
She looked out of the window at a blue sky full of fluffy clouds. Ironically the clouds reminded her of how the memories of him were slowly fading. She had known him once with utmost certainty but now she was not sure anymore. She thought back to their first encounter. Not the one she remembered consciously but the one that had been at the back of her mind when they had met fleetingly on the small strip before the beach. When she had glanced at him then and her eyes had met his she had known deep in her heart that it was him but the thought had been so preposterous that she had had to brush it aside, grit her teeth and walk on. She had then seen him go into a sports car that was parked on that strip.
For years the memory had haunted her. The thought that she had walked beside the love of her life and not had the courage to take a chance and speak to him had weighed her down for years. Then he had reappeared in her life. First in a ghost-like form with no words said but for the evanescent image of him. Then with increasing precision in the form to which was added a telepathic communication. She wondered whether he was aware at all of this or if she was the only one seeing and hearing him. His spirit-like presence then became a daily routine in her life but left her with the ache of not having him around in flesh and blood.
She turned back from the window and glanced around the room which was submerged in pale light coming from the one window that was open. The room reeked of wasted memories and unshed tears. She wished she could turn back time and go back to that moment to see if she could change the course of fate but she knew it was not possible here and now. It reassured her to think that there was a version out there in the Multiverse where she had taken that risk and was perhaps growing old with the love of her life. He whispered in her head that he would come to her Time and Time again when the elements were favourable. It reassured her even more to think that maybe serendipity would put them both on the same path again. In Time. She smiled a wane smile before the tears finally welled in her eyes. Someday…Somewhere…In Time…
Somewhere in Time – Maksim Mrvica
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